Sunday, January 20, 2013

Reid announces plan for gun control

Andy Reid, the recently fired head coach of the Philidelphia Eagles, has announced a plan for "gun control." Sources familiar with the plan report that it would ban the "pistol formation"in the NFL.

Analysts are ESPN have suggested the plan is an attempt at preserving Reid's viability as a head coach in the league. Last season the Washington Redskins and Carolina Panthers obliterated Reid's Philadelphia Eagles, in part by using the pistol offense and their elite running quarterbacks, Robert Griffin III and Cam Newton. Both QBs accounted for 4 touchdowns against the Eagles in their first meetings of the season with Griffin averaging a punishing 7 yards per carry.

CNN political analysts say Andy's Reid's plan has a better chance of passing than Harry Reid's plan for gun control because the two teams that stand to lose the most, the Seattle Seahawks and Washington Redskins, can do nothing to filibuster the bill. After being inundated with letters from constituents, Washington state's two female senators, Patty Murray and Maria Cantwell, released a joint statement indicating that they "do not know the fuck the pistol formation or read-option are" and have no plans to investigate further. Washington D.C., of course, has no representation in the U.S. congress because 50.7% of the residents are black.

Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll issued this one sentence statement after learning about the plan.
The ban on performance enhancing drugs did not stop us, so the coaching staff is not particularly concerned with pending rule changes.

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