Saturday, January 12, 2013

NFL fans demand return of replacement refs

Twitter was blanketed by NFL fans demanding a return of the replacement refs after the Baltimore-Denver game ran for 4 hours and 20 minutes, littered with long delays, production gaffes, and replays.

An anonymous NFL production assistants comment that they had a "strange sense of foreboding" when the game began after realizing that the head official's microphone was not functioning. Several bad calls when unexplained to the TV audience due to the technical problem, but most of the mishaps came during the game's second half.

During a strength of several minutes in the third quarter only 2:50 seconds of game time expired during a 30 minute stretch of television. Most of the delays was attributed to the 236 flags thrown during the interval, although 9:50 of it that period was spent with referees conferences on where to spot the ball after a double hands-to-the-face penalty. One NFL fans commented on Twitter that "[he] knows its hard to believe, but [he has] a life outside of watching football."

The game entered football lore on an incomplete pass in the third quarter as Tuck Rule II. The play should have been ruled an incomplete pass due to the infamous Tuck Rule, so when the head ref returned and ruled the play a fumble everyone from Dan Dierdorf in the commenting booth to all the fans watching at home to chief Denver rival Tom Brady went apoplectic. (Brady has always insisted that a similar play, with the opposite ruling, that paved the way to his first title was called correctly.)

As the game stretched past four hours and into overtime the entire male population of the United States started commenting on the terrible playing calling and production quality of the game. A pass interference call in the 4th quarter drew particular ire to the point where fans started petitioning for the return of Lance Easley, the replacement official who completely fucked up the Seahawks-Packers game  earlier in the seasons with what was, before today, the worst call of the season.

Easley could not be reached for comment.

Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin e-mailed a statement trying to capitalize on the unionized NFL-ref's incompetence by arguing that "no job so essentially to the welfare of our nation should be in the hands of unaccountable unionized employees isolated from the consequences of their poor performance."

An America Federation of Teachers spokesperson noted that "Gov. Walker may have a point, even we might support firing these bums."

* - All numbers in this article have been exaggerated due to laziness. The real figures are even more shocking because they are, in fact, the real numbers.

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